Meandering Out Loud

For months I’ve had a nagging suspicion and you’ve probably noticed it too: we’re in the midst of a bacon and pumpkin epidemic. It’s not hard to miss given bacon’s dalliances in bacon infused vodka, candied bacon ice cream, and the true heart stopper — chicken fried bacon. Pumpkin is no homebody either; out there galavanting around in pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, pumpkin ravioli, and pumpkin jelly rolls. I’m all for culinary experimentation, but this is a plague of mutated foods that threatens us all.

Look back to the somewhat provocative Reese’s marketing campaign of the 1970s and 1980s where we learned that some things, like chocolate and peanut butter, do belong together. This campaign helped bring about a new world order where people were free to co-mingle ingredients in an understanding environment. Nowhere in the campaign did they suggest there was a license for wholesale promiscuity between all editable items.

I LUV bacon and adore pumpkin; but seriously, some things are not meant to be joined. I’m not trying to discourage experimentation and creativity as I want new culinary delights just like the next guy. Experiment if you dare, but post warnings when it goes wrong, don’t propagate the misfortune by turning it into a recipe and publishing it world-wide. That recipe might appear in some demented marketing company’s campaign: “AS SEEN ON THE INTERNET, foods to torture your tastebuds and upset your stomach”. It’s just not right.

Interventions are a common method of helping people confront their problem. Earlier this week CBS’s “How I Met Your Mother” had an episode in which the group staged interventions at the drop of a hat. While they almost needed an intervention for interventions, I’m a little disappointed that they didn’t recognize the need for a bacon and pumpkin intervention. Consult the table of Google search results or hop on over to twitter search and you’ll be amazed at how often these items appear. We’re clearly out of control. While I was typing the last 2 sentences, the bacon OR pumpkin search had 6 updates.

Did you noticed that there were 247,000 results for recipes that combine bacon and pumpkin; it’s just not holy. Every year I look forward to Fall and the return of the venerable pumpkin pie. Be creative if you must, alter the spice proportions, change sweeteners, or adjust the flakiness of the crust, but don’t follow Joe and codify desecration of a sacred food. Imagine my horror when I discovered this abomination, “Joe’s Incredible Bacon Pumpkin Pie”. This could be the tip of the iceberg, what’s next; bacon soda?

Don’t just sit there when it’s clear we have a problem. Call your friends. Alert the neighbors. Then let’s gather at Joe’s for the first of many interventions.